Church Bulletin Bloopers

I saw these on OldLutheran.com. They are Church Bulletin bloopers, I think there friggin hilarious.
Old Lutheran HumorChurch Bulletin Bloopers
·For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
·Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
·Evening massage - 6 p.m.
·The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
·Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
·Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
·The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
·Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
·The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
·Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.
·Ushers will eat latecomers.
·The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
·During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
·Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
·Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
·Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
·Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
·22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
·The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
·Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ·The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
·This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
·Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
·Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
·Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
·This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
·The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
·Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
·The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
·A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
·At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
·The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
·Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
·Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
·Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
·The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
·The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours."

Oh Ellin What can I do?

I have that song stuck in my head. It's by a band called Gob. Okay I joined up with Dawn's fantasy baseball league. I hope I get the players on my list I came up with. Today I was supposed to go to my uncle's house in Lewiston Minnesota, but since the weather is so crappy out I'll be staying home. So today I have to do some reading for school. I think I might try to go to Half-price books today since I have a 15% coupon. That's it for me today, pretty laid back.

Fantasy Baseball is here

I have snapped out of the funk I was in. Thanks Dawn! And have just got done with turning in 4 papers in the coarse of 9 days. I have signed up for free fantasy baseball on MLB.Com. I named my team "The Irish Brigade". I dropped a player and gained Nick Punto from the twins. I will try to get Mauer and the gang, but probabely wont be able to. Can anyone give me some advice on fantasy baseball? I'm pretty new to this. Tonight I am doing a lot of reading, after that I will be watching a mystery movie. Later

My new Pug

Here's a picture of my new pug. We've had her for about 3 weeks now. Her name is Ruby.

Life is but a haze

I dont know what it is. I have been in a funk for a couple of weeks now. Ever since school started I havn't felt he want/ drive to do aything. I was the same way back in october. That lasted for around a month. Sometimes my day repeats itself for 3 or 4 days in a row. I go to school, come home, do some homework, watch the news and then go to sleep. Or after I go to school, I go to work, then home, watch the news and go to sleep. On the weekends I am usually working. In the evening I call some of my buddies up but they are either working or gone already. I wasn't usually like this. When I went to Inver Hills Community College I was a lot happier. I was in some classes with other kids previous and so I had friends there. At the U of M there are just huge mongrel hordes of people. I talk to a few people there.
I tried calling my buddy Jon earlier this week and left a voicemail. That was fine, I was on a break from work and decided to give him a buzz. Tonight he call's me up and asks me if I want to go with him to a bar in Castle rock where one of his work friends is playing. I told him I really want to but cant. I have to work on one of my history papers that's due next tuesday. So i'm stuck until next weekend to do something fun with him.
Im the type of person that is nostalgic. I look into my past, like high school for instance, and see all the fun I had with my friends there. After high school I went to college and the rest of my friends went to work. So when my friends want to do something I usually have to do school work. I guess I try to hold on to what I once had. But I know I can't because that period is overwith. dad is always working, one brother is at another college, other one is in high school, my mom works nights and sleeps days. All that and the fact I dont ever have any money to do anything. My job I use to like going to. Now I go there and cant wait until I am done. I just go to the back and do returns for a good portion of the night. The one good thing I have to look forward to is my springbreak. I am going to take a mini-road trip up north, go see Grand Marais, Gooseberry Falls, and other places. Thats still 4 weeks away, so I'll hang in there. After spring break it's only another 6-8 weeks until summer break. Okay I really have to get back to my paper.

Baby it's cold outside

So last night on my way home from work my alternator on my van decided to give out and the battery started to die. I was traveling south on Cedar ave. and then my van decided to go apeshit. I pulled over to the shoulder and called my dad to tell him what happened. After that I called AAA and was put on hold for about 7-8 minutes before the operator got to me. While I was on hold it got real cold real fast. Luckily I had packed a blanket in my van. I was also wearing a sweatshirt and a leather jacket. Still though it was frickin' freezin! After my dad got there and the tow truck we preceeded back home. On the way home we past a church tht had a light display that shows the time and tempreture. It said it was -21 degrees. So I was in my van without heat for about 30 minutes. Boy, spring break and summer break cant get here fast enough.